A Fly On My Homeschool Wall

As I've dealt with my broken heart, I've written faithfully on my private blog trying to find the good, exercise faith, and record my hurts . . .  I have had nothing left over for this one. I had a turning point at the Relief Society General Broadcast .  I feel as if I were a convalescing invalid, which I imagine I am.  I'm over the worst, but there's still a long road of recovery ahead. Through it all, I've continued to prepare meals, run errands, cuddle small people, encourage and correct larger ones, oversee school, participate in family prayers, scripture study, and devotionals . . . in general I've continued managing our home and family through this season of living death.  Every step was hard.  Every step felt like swimming in jello.  I'd often find myself in the middle of the living room wondering what I should, could, or might do next.  Everything seemed too hard. Everything. Along the way we finished Snow Treasure .  It based on...

We wrote letters on Sunday.  A6's was the sweetest of all--composed ever so laboriously, all by herself. We also had Family Home Evening.  It was my turn to present a lesson.  My children know how to work, but they so often choose not to.  We had a lesson on stewardship--how taking care of our home and environment show respect for ourselves and our Father in Heaven.  I told them how pleased I am with their abilities and how I hope they choose to do good work in the future. My favorite part of the lesson was when I had H4 give her favorite stuffed animal to E13 for safe-keeping.  E13 has a history of taking stuffed animals apart for whatever reasons that the rest of us cannot understand.  Her little eyes got so very round, and she clutched that orange bear close to her heart! Point made.  We don't want to entrust our belongings to those who will not take care of them. My second favorite moment was when I had E13 give her favorite earrings t...

I'm not doing well.  I'm going through the motions:  school, chores, devotionals, personal prayers, scripture study, meals, playtime.  All of the outward actions are in place.  No one is suffering, but the kids have caught me twice with tears on my face, and my excuses are getting thin.  The good part is that kids don't really want to know what's going on in their mother's heart as long as they're fed, have clean clothes and get to do fun things.  There is no reason to confuse them with my confusion. Last night we finished Caddie Woodlawn by Carol Ryrie Brink .  This passage, in which Caddie's father speaks to her, touched my heart: "It is the sisters and wives and mothers, you know, Caddie, who keep the world sweet and beautiful  What a rough world it would be if there were only men and boys in it, doing things in their rough way!  A woman's task is to teach them gentleness and courtesy and love and kindness.  It's a big task, t...

Tuesday morning. Made oatmeal for breakfast. Made 5 pints peach jam. Made 4 loaves organic wheat bread. Helped kids with school. Spent the afternoon in urgent care. I1 got 4 stitches in his forehead. Picked up meds for J9--she's suffering from the poison ivy but complaining so very little. Kids watched movies. Made peach cobbler for dinner--even had a scoop of vanilla ice cream each. I1 is in bed, barely resting--his head hurts. The rest of the kids will soon follow. And my favorite pink shirt has bloodstains on it.

Autumn came for a brief visit today.  Summer is coming back in just a day or two, but today was chilly and cloudy and drizzly. E13 had planned to mow the lawn for our elderly neighbor, but the rain put a stop to that.  However, E13 did manage to not shower or get dressed ("I'll shower after I'm all sweaty instead of before!") until after lunch. M11 had a violin lesson this afternoon. Yesterday she was inspired by a beautiful violin number performed by one of the sister missionaries at church.  She told me today that she complimented the missionary and got a hug in return along with the advice to, "Practice, practice, practice!"  It was advice that M11 doesn't really need to hear, but it certainly won't hurt. S11 got to go babysit our neighbor's toddler daughter while our neighbor worked on prep work for a catering gig she has this week.  She's a professional pastry chef.  S11 had a blast all afternoon and came home $20 richer.  "I...

 . . . didn't go exactly as expected.  For some reason I thought I could just get up and go, resuming life as usual. I was wrong. I'm definitely in a post-partum recovery period. Getting up the next day, doing normal chores, decorating my new scripture journal along with my older girls, working for 3 hours at the horse barn with J9 doing hard manual labor, making dinner, cleaning up, and doing our normal evening routine was the wrong move. Getting up extra early the day after that (Friday), preparing breakfast and lunch, packing the car and organizing the kids for a 50 mile drive to the closest natural history museum, spending 3 hours walking around the museum, having a picnic lunch, driving home, preparing a picnic dinner, packing stuff and kids again, driving 20 more miles to the lake for the church camp out (we didn't stay the night),  feeding my crew, cleaning up, being social, packing them back up, driving home, cleaning them, and putting them all to bed was ...

Yesterday was not a dreadful day. We went to our first Explorer's Club meeting--a hiking day.  The big kids got to hike fast and far; the little kids got to hike slowly and not so far.  (I think the little kids had the better hike.) E13 attended her second gymnastics lesson. The big girls did their school work in the afternoon. We played in the sprinklers with a neighbor until the bees got too aggressive. I went through the climax of this miscarriage. I read stories to I1. Last night he was through with his bath and was searching for his favorite books  We are fans of Olivier Dunrea , and I1 was collecting all of the books by him that we currently have checked out from the library. He had Boo Boo in his hand, but he came walking down the hallway saying, "Peebee ha'.  Peebee ha'," and signing "hat" at the same time.  "Are you looking for Peedie ?  Do you want to read about Peedie and his hat?"  I asked. I1 nodded happily.  ...

I called the doctor's office, as directed, in the early morning to get my lab results.  I knew the pregnancy was ending, but a tiny bit of hope kept rearing it's irritating head.  It was hard work to talk it back down over and over and over again. The doctor's office did not call me back for hours. In the mean time: *We had blueberry muffins for breakfast. *The older girls and I finished our Old Testament Study. *H4 and I had preschool--we made a kitten out of circles .  I1 wanted to be part of things, so he climbed into my lap, grabbed glue, scissors, crayons and paper, and generally made everyone crazy.  Fortunately I'd printed the craft pattern incorrectly at first, so I had a second copy of inferior quality that made him perfectly happy.  Looks like it's time for I1 to have some pre-preschool of his own. *A6 and I had school.  She's quite a good speller! *I did some laundry. *I cleaned the kitchen. *I read some stories to I1. *I wandered a...

This weekend found my girls making, decorating, and flying dozens of paper airplanes.  I do not know what prompted such a frenzy; I only know it happened. I have no pictures--only memories that I have tucked away for my own personal enjoyment.  I sat on the front porch Friday evening just watching.  We live on a cul-de-sac, so the street is our playground.  All 7 of my children ran out into the street with one, two, or three paper airplanes in their hands.  The air was alive. Children running, laughing, playing. Airplanes zooming, looping, crashing. I'd told them, "You have 15 minutes!"  Then I let them play for over an hour. I could not stop watching. ************ Today was hard.  Yesterday was hard.  I am miscarrying for the 8th time . . . or not . . . but I'm sure I am. We did not write letters, but we did watch movies together as a family, and we had Family Home Evening, complete with berry jell-o (made with juice and real berr...

I bought a 38 lb box of pears through Bountiful Baskets . They arrived on Saturday completely hard and green.  We put the box in the basement so they'd stay cool (and out of the way) as they ripened. Which they did . . . today. All 38 lbs. The older girls settled into school, while the little girls and I washed and cut and peeled pears. Then the little girls got bored and made paper airplanes. Then the paper airplanes didn't cooperate, so E13 helped them. Sometimes I want to strangle that girl, and sometimes she is so patient and kind and wonderful I can hardly believe it. Today she was that wonderful girl. I made pear cobbler for breakfast with about 3 lbs.  I made pear crisp for lunch with about 5 lbs. I peeled and quartered about 40 pears for dehydrating--nearly 20 lbs? I peeled and chopped another 5 or 6 lbs for spiced pear jam. I think I have 5 or 6 lbs to go. I'll probably make another batch of jam. It would be a good day . . . except that I th...

Just as I was feeling good about the activities the girls have chosen (E13--gymnastics, M11--violin, S11--choir, J0--horseback riding) and about our schedule and plans in general, a good friend threw a wrench in the works.  She is the director of a children's performance group--singing, clogging, dancing--that just lost several members due to a surprise change of address for one of the principal families.  She emailed me with a specific invitation to join this group, along with the plea, "It would be a favor to us, too." This group is terrific.  All 6 of my girls could participate, and at the same time.  It is practically free.  The kids are encouraged to develop their own choreography, costumes, sense of showmanship, and leadership.  The kids will be taught a lot of excellent performance skills.  The group is pro-America, pro-family, pro-good values.  I have not one criticism or concern. Except one. Is it the best use of our time? Should ...

Our flexible schedule has proven itself a blessing today.  Some friends announced that they were throwing an un-birthday party for their daughter this afternoon.  Anyone who wanted to could come swim for the afternoon at their house and have snacks and fun. We had to arrange transportation for E13 to get to gymnastics, but that was doable. We had to finish school by 11:30 am, but that was doable, too. I had to get dinner in the crockpot, so it would be ready the minute we walked through the door tonight, but even that was doable (we had a veggie/meaty/pasta "bake"). So 6 kids and I drove the 50 miles it took to drop E13 off at a friend's house and up to the un-birthday party.  We had an exceedingly good time. I1 had his very first lollipop . . . and his second . . . and his third . . . and so on. It was hilarious to watch his face light up at each new color.  He'd suck on it for a few minutes and then search out a new color.  He'd take it out of his ...

S11 has been so desperate to find a "special thing."  This is not an object but a talent or hobby that can be uniquely hers in our family.  M11 seems to have one.  J9 seems to have one.  But S11 has been really struggling. She wanted it to be surfing . . . but we live well over 1,000 miles from any oceans. We thought it was going to be joining the homeschool band.  We had the open house marked on our calendar for 2 weeks.  At the very last minute I looked up the address, and found the rehearsal schedule at the same time--right in the middle of our science club. We are all committed to the science club; homeschool band suddenly was not an option. My heart broke for my poor, disappointed girl. I began scouring websites, local forums, and community education catalogues for something special for my girl. Success! I found a local children's choir that was open for auditions this week.  S11 loves to sing.  We've talked about voice lessons ...

Pride goeth before a fall. My last post was about how school and our routines were almost too easy. Then came Monday. A6 had a fever and was listless all weekend.  I'd promised to help in the church nursery, so my husband stayed home with all 3 littles (because where one fever is, others usually follow) while I took the 4 bigger girls to church.  It was good to sit quietly through an entire service.  Then I spent 2 hours in the nursery.  All was fine--even boring--but I came home quite tired. We wrote our letters; I remembered to scan them into the computer this time. I made dinner. I closed my eyes for an hour. But it wasn't enough. I was still so very tired. And then Monday morning came so quickly! My sweet M11 helped me through a few mistakes--like forgetting our memorization scripture and devotional moment during our morning meeting.  But E13 was having a hard day, and she made no bones about making it hard for the rest of us.  By ni...