A Fly On My Homeschool Wall

As I've dealt with my broken heart, I've written faithfully on my private blog trying to find the good, exercise faith, and record my hurts . . .  I have had nothing left over for this one. I had a turning point at the Relief Society General Broadcast .  I feel as if I were a convalescing invalid, which I imagine I am.  I'm over the worst, but there's still a long road of recovery ahead. Through it all, I've continued to prepare meals, run errands, cuddle small people, encourage and correct larger ones, oversee school, participate in family prayers, scripture study, and devotionals . . . in general I've continued managing our home and family through this season of living death.  Every step was hard.  Every step felt like swimming in jello.  I'd often find myself in the middle of the living room wondering what I should, could, or might do next.  Everything seemed too hard. Everything. Along the way we finished Snow Treasure .  It based on...

We wrote letters on Sunday.  A6's was the sweetest of all--composed ever so laboriously, all by herself. We also had Family Home Evening.  It was my turn to present a lesson.  My children know how to work, but they so often choose not to.  We had a lesson on stewardship--how taking care of our home and environment show respect for ourselves and our Father in Heaven.  I told them how pleased I am with their abilities and how I hope they choose to do good work in the future. My favorite part of the lesson was when I had H4 give her favorite stuffed animal to E13 for safe-keeping.  E13 has a history of taking stuffed animals apart for whatever reasons that the rest of us cannot understand.  Her little eyes got so very round, and she clutched that orange bear close to her heart! Point made.  We don't want to entrust our belongings to those who will not take care of them. My second favorite moment was when I had E13 give her favorite earrings t...

I'm not doing well.  I'm going through the motions:  school, chores, devotionals, personal prayers, scripture study, meals, playtime.  All of the outward actions are in place.  No one is suffering, but the kids have caught me twice with tears on my face, and my excuses are getting thin.  The good part is that kids don't really want to know what's going on in their mother's heart as long as they're fed, have clean clothes and get to do fun things.  There is no reason to confuse them with my confusion. Last night we finished Caddie Woodlawn by Carol Ryrie Brink .  This passage, in which Caddie's father speaks to her, touched my heart: "It is the sisters and wives and mothers, you know, Caddie, who keep the world sweet and beautiful  What a rough world it would be if there were only men and boys in it, doing things in their rough way!  A woman's task is to teach them gentleness and courtesy and love and kindness.  It's a big task, t...

Tuesday morning. Made oatmeal for breakfast. Made 5 pints peach jam. Made 4 loaves organic wheat bread. Helped kids with school. Spent the afternoon in urgent care. I1 got 4 stitches in his forehead. Picked up meds for J9--she's suffering from the poison ivy but complaining so very little. Kids watched movies. Made peach cobbler for dinner--even had a scoop of vanilla ice cream each. I1 is in bed, barely resting--his head hurts. The rest of the kids will soon follow. And my favorite pink shirt has bloodstains on it.

Autumn came for a brief visit today.  Summer is coming back in just a day or two, but today was chilly and cloudy and drizzly. E13 had planned to mow the lawn for our elderly neighbor, but the rain put a stop to that.  However, E13 did manage to not shower or get dressed ("I'll shower after I'm all sweaty instead of before!") until after lunch. M11 had a violin lesson this afternoon. Yesterday she was inspired by a beautiful violin number performed by one of the sister missionaries at church.  She told me today that she complimented the missionary and got a hug in return along with the advice to, "Practice, practice, practice!"  It was advice that M11 doesn't really need to hear, but it certainly won't hurt. S11 got to go babysit our neighbor's toddler daughter while our neighbor worked on prep work for a catering gig she has this week.  She's a professional pastry chef.  S11 had a blast all afternoon and came home $20 richer.  "I...

 . . . didn't go exactly as expected.  For some reason I thought I could just get up and go, resuming life as usual. I was wrong. I'm definitely in a post-partum recovery period. Getting up the next day, doing normal chores, decorating my new scripture journal along with my older girls, working for 3 hours at the horse barn with J9 doing hard manual labor, making dinner, cleaning up, and doing our normal evening routine was the wrong move. Getting up extra early the day after that (Friday), preparing breakfast and lunch, packing the car and organizing the kids for a 50 mile drive to the closest natural history museum, spending 3 hours walking around the museum, having a picnic lunch, driving home, preparing a picnic dinner, packing stuff and kids again, driving 20 more miles to the lake for the church camp out (we didn't stay the night),  feeding my crew, cleaning up, being social, packing them back up, driving home, cleaning them, and putting them all to bed was ...

Yesterday was not a dreadful day. We went to our first Explorer's Club meeting--a hiking day.  The big kids got to hike fast and far; the little kids got to hike slowly and not so far.  (I think the little kids had the better hike.) E13 attended her second gymnastics lesson. The big girls did their school work in the afternoon. We played in the sprinklers with a neighbor until the bees got too aggressive. I went through the climax of this miscarriage. I read stories to I1. Last night he was through with his bath and was searching for his favorite books  We are fans of Olivier Dunrea , and I1 was collecting all of the books by him that we currently have checked out from the library. He had Boo Boo in his hand, but he came walking down the hallway saying, "Peebee ha'.  Peebee ha'," and signing "hat" at the same time.  "Are you looking for Peedie ?  Do you want to read about Peedie and his hat?"  I asked. I1 nodded happily.  ...