Thoughts on this Season


 After our mostly-break, I decided I could not go back to where we were.  It almost frightened me when the kids asked why we were changing, and I blurted out, "Because I'm miserable.  I hate school right now, and I hate our days, and I can't go on hating everything the way I do!"

My goodness!

That was probably too honest an answer to give my children.

There was a great deal of silence in the van after that.

As long as I'm being honest, I certainly must admit that some of it must have to do with the fact that I am a rather old mother, and I'm dealing with quite a few physiological changes in my own being.

I'm working on that.

Things that are certain:

1.  We are required by law to do school (our state focuses on hours per subject).
2.  I have older children that need to satisfy academic requirements in order to keep their educational/career options open.
3.  My children have a lot of needs to meet.
4.  This season is this season.  It will end, and then I will be sad that it is over.  I need to find joy WITH my children in THIS season.
5.  Our time is limited.
6.  Morning Meeting will happen.
7.  Formal math must happen; we are way beyond the years of organic mathing.

Things that are uncertain:

1.  The emotional well-being of 7 teens/pre-teens and 1 perimenopausal mother each morning.
2.  The emotional well-being of 7 teens/pre-teens and 1 perimenopausal mother each afternoon.
3.  The emotional well-being of 7 teens/pre-teens and 1 perimenopausal mother each evening.

I'm incredibly good at providing structure, but without a doubt, we still live in flux.  A forgotten dose of meds, a bad night's sleep, a struggle with a friend, a personal temptation, a burst of hormones, a drop in hormones, or any of a hundred other factors can derail anything from an hour to a week.

In addition, I have teens, but I'm tied to them like toddlers.  This batch of kids cannot be left to supervise themselves while I run a quick errand, and I do not have built-in "childcare" like I did for many years with the older kids.   We either all go, or no one goes, and lately, it's been too much of no one goes, so we're irritable.

I'm happiest at home, but I do need a creative outlet, and even my at-home hobbies have been on hold for a few months now because the kids' schooling/attitudes/avoidance/struggles/messes have tied me up tightly.

Tightly enough that I'm feeling panicked and resentful on the daily.

I only have 6-ish more years of active parenting/homeschooling.  😔

I don't want these years to pass in resentment!

So, even though I carefully, thoughtfully, prayerfully planned this school year for each kid, we're stepping back and re-evaluating.

For sure we're keeping:

1.  Gratitude journals
2.  Formal math--the programs we already started
3.  Wednesday research/Library day
4.  Family read alouds
5.  Morning Meetings

We're figuring out the rest.

Comments

  1. JenniferNovember 8, 2026 at 3:40 PM

    Sometimes you just need to make a change and you are such a veteran by now that you can trust your intuition to show you the next way to move forward. All the outside the classroom experiences your kids are having are so so valuable and figuring out the right mix of other stuff to not close doors in the future is always a balancing act. I've been having some very low energy (just found out it is low ferritin) and things have had to adjust accordingly. I'm always amazed at the beautiful things that flow from even the changes we feel unsure to make at the time. Best of luck caring for yourself and everyone else!

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