Christmas Week
*No school.
*Tried to keep Brother calm enough to function.
*Celebrated Christmas.
*Had a miscarriage . . . sort of.
Actually I'm still carrying the dead baby and waiting for my body to realize that it is time to let go. I'm shaky and fragile and a mess. If nature doesn't take its course soon, I'm going to have to give in and accept medical intervention because I can't cope with anything.
It was such a surprise to be pregnant! We were shocked and scared, then we heard and saw a perfect, healthy heartbeat, and we shifted to excited.
A baby!
We were going to have quite a Christmas surprise.
But I felt things go wrong, and I kept my mouth shut through the holiday. Then a second ultrasound confirmed what I knew--that perfect, healthy heartbeat was gone.
My teens know.
I'm not telling my young ones. It will blend into the stories of all of the other miscarriages (I've lost track, but the number is at least 9), and they will know enough as they grow older.
We've continued with Morning Meetings, and we are well into the New Testament stories in The Jesus Storybook Bible.
The girls 8 and up finished The Book of Mormon. (Did I record here that I finished my personal response to the challenge several weeks ago?)
As our Academy has been on hold, but the kids miss my daily reading during the day, I've pulled Freedom Train out and have read a couple of chapters during lunches. Harriet Tubman's story is gripping, and my crew is responding intensely to this book.
Rose Red has been watching Open Yale Courses, and she might graduate in the next month or so.
Pixie is dancing in The Nutcracker tonight.
Super Star got a boxed set of Tolkien books, and she's been reading in preparation for moving from prewriting to writing her One Year Adventure Novel next semester.
Belle has been my right arm. I'd be lost without her right now.
Nature Angel got a vintage Underwood typewriter for Christmas. She's been writing every single day--journal entries, goals, stories--anything she can think of. The typewriter makes the loveliest clacking noises that satisfy her creative heart.
Little Princess has alternated between learning to play the ukelele (she got one for Christmas) and reading her new books. She's learned a lot this week without school.
Ladybug has been quite happy to spend less time at the table and more time in the living room playing. She's been coloring and engaging in imaginative play.
Mister Man received 2 boxed sets of books with 10 books each, so he's got plenty to read. In addition, he's working on learning to juggle.
Brother is fragile. The anti-anxiety med seemed to work for a couple of days, but then he had a major breakdown even with the med in his system. It was a horrid day for us both. He's been relatively calm since the breakdown, but he's so angrily defiant that it's scary. He needs so much help. When he is calm, he is working on learning to read. He has only mastered the rudiments of phonics, but he's doing his best to apply what he knows to the books we own. He's really ready and determined to read.
Beowulf is playing with playdough and Legos and scooters and toys with wheels. He put together a new 48 piece puzzle yesterday, and we could hear him cheering himself on with each piece correctly placed.
Lola and Baymax are preschoolers to the max--certain they can do everything on their own, but falling to pieces and crying for help as soon as they find out they can't. They received "loose parts" for Christmas--wood, metal, leather, plastic, and wool odds and ends contained in a gorgeous wooden box each. (I made their kits with recycled materials after seeing the prices for kits on etsy and other websites!) They take their things out and spread them around and try to build with them. They're not yet engaging in the imaginative play I'm hoping will develop with these "loose parts," but they're engaging in their own way with them, and it will be fun to see what happens over time.
About half the family is sick with colds and coughs, so we're mostly trying to be quiet and calm and get ready for a new year . . .
but the new year ahead feels too daunting to face, so I'm going to take it one day at a time . . .
my faith feels so thin right now.
 |
| We made too many cookies!!! |
 |
| Nature Angel got to go ice skating for the first time! |
 |
| These are the friends she skated with. They are most of the girls in her age group at church. |
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| Nature Angel, Little Princess, and Ladybug all received subscription boxes from KiwiCo. They are fun! We had some problems with Little Princess's Tinker Crate, but the customer service has been quite good to us so far. We can't afford a full year of crates X 3, but we'll do a few months' worth during the winter. |
*Tried to keep Brother calm enough to function.
*Celebrated Christmas.
 |
| This is the best group shot I could get. :) In spite of uncooperative photographic moments, we did have a lovely at-home Nativity experience. The scary one in black is Super Star as wicked King Herod. Rose Red was the reluctant inn-keeper. I think everyone else is self-explanatory. |
*Had a miscarriage . . . sort of.
Actually I'm still carrying the dead baby and waiting for my body to realize that it is time to let go. I'm shaky and fragile and a mess. If nature doesn't take its course soon, I'm going to have to give in and accept medical intervention because I can't cope with anything.
It was such a surprise to be pregnant! We were shocked and scared, then we heard and saw a perfect, healthy heartbeat, and we shifted to excited.
A baby!
We were going to have quite a Christmas surprise.
But I felt things go wrong, and I kept my mouth shut through the holiday. Then a second ultrasound confirmed what I knew--that perfect, healthy heartbeat was gone.
My teens know.
I'm not telling my young ones. It will blend into the stories of all of the other miscarriages (I've lost track, but the number is at least 9), and they will know enough as they grow older.
We've continued with Morning Meetings, and we are well into the New Testament stories in The Jesus Storybook Bible.
The girls 8 and up finished The Book of Mormon. (Did I record here that I finished my personal response to the challenge several weeks ago?)
As our Academy has been on hold, but the kids miss my daily reading during the day, I've pulled Freedom Train out and have read a couple of chapters during lunches. Harriet Tubman's story is gripping, and my crew is responding intensely to this book.
Rose Red has been watching Open Yale Courses, and she might graduate in the next month or so.
Pixie is dancing in The Nutcracker tonight.
 |
| Lola got ballet shoes in her Christmas stocking. She was so excited to be like big sister Pixie! |
Super Star got a boxed set of Tolkien books, and she's been reading in preparation for moving from prewriting to writing her One Year Adventure Novel next semester.
Belle has been my right arm. I'd be lost without her right now.
Nature Angel got a vintage Underwood typewriter for Christmas. She's been writing every single day--journal entries, goals, stories--anything she can think of. The typewriter makes the loveliest clacking noises that satisfy her creative heart.
Little Princess has alternated between learning to play the ukelele (she got one for Christmas) and reading her new books. She's learned a lot this week without school.
 |
| Rose Red taught Little Princess some basics, and YouTube is supplying further instruction. |
Ladybug has been quite happy to spend less time at the table and more time in the living room playing. She's been coloring and engaging in imaginative play.
Mister Man received 2 boxed sets of books with 10 books each, so he's got plenty to read. In addition, he's working on learning to juggle.
Brother is fragile. The anti-anxiety med seemed to work for a couple of days, but then he had a major breakdown even with the med in his system. It was a horrid day for us both. He's been relatively calm since the breakdown, but he's so angrily defiant that it's scary. He needs so much help. When he is calm, he is working on learning to read. He has only mastered the rudiments of phonics, but he's doing his best to apply what he knows to the books we own. He's really ready and determined to read.
Beowulf is playing with playdough and Legos and scooters and toys with wheels. He put together a new 48 piece puzzle yesterday, and we could hear him cheering himself on with each piece correctly placed.
 |
| Nature Angel built this tabletop basketball game for the boys. It is remarkable, and the kids all LOVE it. Lola managed to tear up the first hoop, but we saved the second hoop, and the kids shoot baskets all day long. |
Lola and Baymax are preschoolers to the max--certain they can do everything on their own, but falling to pieces and crying for help as soon as they find out they can't. They received "loose parts" for Christmas--wood, metal, leather, plastic, and wool odds and ends contained in a gorgeous wooden box each. (I made their kits with recycled materials after seeing the prices for kits on etsy and other websites!) They take their things out and spread them around and try to build with them. They're not yet engaging in the imaginative play I'm hoping will develop with these "loose parts," but they're engaging in their own way with them, and it will be fun to see what happens over time.
About half the family is sick with colds and coughs, so we're mostly trying to be quiet and calm and get ready for a new year . . .
but the new year ahead feels too daunting to face, so I'm going to take it one day at a time . . .
my faith feels so thin right now.
I'm so sorry to learn of your miscarriage. I have had a few myself and know how hard it is to take care of yourself and mourn when their are others to care for. But please do take care of yourself as much as possible. Hug and prayers for you and yours.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for you loss. I too, have had more miscarriages than live births. My prayers are with you. Do rest and care for yourself. You have so very much on your plate. I love your mothering style. Your children are so fortunate to have you.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Dawn
Praying for you through this miscarriage process. I'm also familiar with the emotions and experience. Remember to grieve, to lean in to the love and hope of the atonement, and let others take care of little things by asking for help. ((HUGS)) Other than that it looks like a learning filled week with good things abounding in many areas.
ReplyDeleteOh Anne, I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. Sending plenty of healing vibes to you and the sick members of your family.
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteHaving never experienced a miscarriage I can't truly understand the heartache and disappointment you must feel, but I try. May God bless you for your righteous desires and give you peace and comfort as you press forward. Prayers that your faith will be strengthened as you lean on the Savior at this time. He knows how to succor you, of that I have a sure knowledge because of the trials I've gone through.
ReplyDeleteNo school, but still learning.
ReplyDeleteI’m sorry about the baby. It’s so hard as years go by. You are barraged with intrusive “what if”s.