A Week, Briefly (1/22/18)
Many good things happened this week:
*Ladybug finished Explode the Code 1
*The sun came out, and the kids spent hours and hours riding bikes and drawing with chalk outside
*The Elementary 8 and I went to the zoo
*Twice my prayers about my upcoming Relief Society lesson were answered (actually it is probably more than twice, but there were two times that comfort came so very clearly)
*The 3 Symposium teens turned in their essays about The Music Man, and we used the essays to have a good lesson about what worked and what needs-to-improve in those essays
*We had 4 good Academy days and we did 2 art projects--one about Pablo Picasso and one about paper sculpting
*We had good Morning Meetings
*Pixie attended all of her dance classes and made a new friend there
*Belle got to go see Jumanji with a friend
*Lola is showing signs of outgrowing the "terrible twos." She's turning into a rather delightful person, and there is hope that she may be potty-trained some day
*Baymax actually stopped saying, "I hate soup," and ate his dinner twice this week without fussing
*Nature Angel found a woodpecker feather
*Nature Angel, Little Princess, and I performed a day of service for some friends
*I took the Elementary 8 to the park
*Mister Man lost yet another front tooth, and he is so toothless that I almost can't bear how cute he is
*Brother continues to develop his prayer skills, and his prayers are joyfully sweet and odd and poignant
*Ladybug asked us to help her stop sucking her thumb, and she's successfully on day 4 of that huge, huge, huge change and accomplishment
*Sir Walter Scott finished and submitted our tax returns.
So there's an awful lot of good going on in our world.
It has been a week of complete emotional devastation, though.
Rose Red has been on an escalating ride into self-destruction for many months, but for some reason, this week has been the most difficult of all so far. She's still with us, and there's still hope, but making it through each day takes grit, determination, and an ever-increasing amount of energy.
We suspect she has FASD. (Check out this page and read the "Secondary Conditions Associated with FASD in Teens" section for a very accurate description of Rose Red right now--minus the drug use . . . to our knowledge.)
We've never suspected it before, though we have long, long, long known that she has various mild, moderate, and severe problems. Pulling out my FASD information and rereading it lately with Rose Red in mind has felt like reading the story of her life--of our life with her--with a light suddenly on that was off before.
If it isn't FASD, it's simply a horrifying rebellion.
Either way we are living in a nightmare of foul language, sneaking out, lying, threats, tantrums, physical danger, and emotional messes.
She refuses all offers of help.
We cannot keep her safe; she honors no boundaries. None.
I've sought a mentor, and I've received a positive response. I hope it will develop into something good.
We're praying so hard for our girl. She can be so marvelous! She's just a delight when she's functioning well. She has so much to offer the world!
In the mean time, I am practicing counting my blessings to be sure I don't get lost in her vortex of dangerous choices.
1. I have a testimony of God the Father, of His Son Jesus Christ and His atonement for all mankind, and of their eternal love for me.
2. God hears and answers prayers.
3. Sir Walter Scott is my precious, precious husband and partner in all things.
4. I can learn.
5. I trust in personal revelation and have experiences miracles in my life before, and I hope in miracles to come.
6. Pixie, Super Star, Belle, and the rest of the kids are doing well.
7. My washer and dryer work.
8. I got a new crock pot!
9. The dishwasher has not breathed its last quite yet.
10. The sun always comes out.
.
.
.
I'm still counting.
*Ladybug finished Explode the Code 1
*The sun came out, and the kids spent hours and hours riding bikes and drawing with chalk outside
*The Elementary 8 and I went to the zoo
*Twice my prayers about my upcoming Relief Society lesson were answered (actually it is probably more than twice, but there were two times that comfort came so very clearly)
*The 3 Symposium teens turned in their essays about The Music Man, and we used the essays to have a good lesson about what worked and what needs-to-improve in those essays
*We had 4 good Academy days and we did 2 art projects--one about Pablo Picasso and one about paper sculpting
*We had good Morning Meetings
*Pixie attended all of her dance classes and made a new friend there
*Belle got to go see Jumanji with a friend
*Lola is showing signs of outgrowing the "terrible twos." She's turning into a rather delightful person, and there is hope that she may be potty-trained some day
 |
| "Hello? Hello? I'm talking into a balanba!" |
*Baymax actually stopped saying, "I hate soup," and ate his dinner twice this week without fussing
*Nature Angel found a woodpecker feather
*Nature Angel, Little Princess, and I performed a day of service for some friends
*I took the Elementary 8 to the park
 |
| Brother works up the courage to jump. He did it--once my attention was elsewhere. |
 |
| Ladybug was scaling this tree--with boots on no less! |
 |
| Mister Man made this pine cone fox. |
*Mister Man lost yet another front tooth, and he is so toothless that I almost can't bear how cute he is
*Brother continues to develop his prayer skills, and his prayers are joyfully sweet and odd and poignant
*Ladybug asked us to help her stop sucking her thumb, and she's successfully on day 4 of that huge, huge, huge change and accomplishment
*Sir Walter Scott finished and submitted our tax returns.
So there's an awful lot of good going on in our world.
It has been a week of complete emotional devastation, though.
Rose Red has been on an escalating ride into self-destruction for many months, but for some reason, this week has been the most difficult of all so far. She's still with us, and there's still hope, but making it through each day takes grit, determination, and an ever-increasing amount of energy.
We suspect she has FASD. (Check out this page and read the "Secondary Conditions Associated with FASD in Teens" section for a very accurate description of Rose Red right now--minus the drug use . . . to our knowledge.)
We've never suspected it before, though we have long, long, long known that she has various mild, moderate, and severe problems. Pulling out my FASD information and rereading it lately with Rose Red in mind has felt like reading the story of her life--of our life with her--with a light suddenly on that was off before.
If it isn't FASD, it's simply a horrifying rebellion.
Either way we are living in a nightmare of foul language, sneaking out, lying, threats, tantrums, physical danger, and emotional messes.
She refuses all offers of help.
We cannot keep her safe; she honors no boundaries. None.
I've sought a mentor, and I've received a positive response. I hope it will develop into something good.
We're praying so hard for our girl. She can be so marvelous! She's just a delight when she's functioning well. She has so much to offer the world!
In the mean time, I am practicing counting my blessings to be sure I don't get lost in her vortex of dangerous choices.
1. I have a testimony of God the Father, of His Son Jesus Christ and His atonement for all mankind, and of their eternal love for me.
2. God hears and answers prayers.
3. Sir Walter Scott is my precious, precious husband and partner in all things.
4. I can learn.
5. I trust in personal revelation and have experiences miracles in my life before, and I hope in miracles to come.
6. Pixie, Super Star, Belle, and the rest of the kids are doing well.
7. My washer and dryer work.
8. I got a new crock pot!
9. The dishwasher has not breathed its last quite yet.
10. The sun always comes out.
.
.
.
I'm still counting.
My heart aches for you right now. It is so hard to watch someone we love self-destruct, and at the same time try to take everyone else down with them. ((HUGS)) I have no advice, just many prayers that you'll be able to recognize inspiration and act on it, even if it seems contrary to what you 'think' you should do. Also praying the rest of the kids are insulated from the effects of her struggle as much as possible.
ReplyDeleteI believe in the power of prayer, and I thank you!
DeleteOh! And you are ever in my prayers these days for a safe delivery . . . soon!!!!
DeleteHow old is Rose Red? Has she had and ARD meeting and received an IEP? I do know that there are some facial characteristics of kids with FASD, but I forgot what they were and she may not have them at all. Are you in touch with her birth mother? If so, it might help just to ask. Not like, “hey did you drink in pregnancy?!?!?!” But more like, “How did you cope with stressful situations when you were pregnant with her?” She’s the one of your kids that stands out to me most. She’s really got a bright future, I think. Bumps along the way are unavoidable.
ReplyDeleteYes, we are in touch with her birth mom. She has not admitted to alcohol use, but it is very likely given the lifestyle she was living at the time. And I agree that Rose Red could have a gorgeously bright future. She needs to choose it and work toward it, and we're trying to help her figure out what is joyful and what is not and how to work toward it.
DeleteBoth of my adopted kids have the FASD diagnosis. Last year we had two incidents that made me think Dean was on the way down the dark path that so many FASD teens go down. However, he is back on the path of success. Although, he scared himself so bad, I think that is why he doesn't want to leave the house and do anything. His moral code has always been so strong that it is almost damaging to him sometimes because he can't forgive himself. There is a support group on Facebook ~ Parenting FASD teens . Also on Facebook is a group called "Flying with Broken wings". It is mostly adults with FASD who are seeking support from each other and supportive NT adults. There are lots of success stories on there. You may find some support there. I do believe many of our type kids can make it. I am not sure our daughter Goldilocks will make it. She is so filled with rage, but she is surviving in her mental health placement and her dangerous behaviors have reduced a great deal. I am praying for you, Rose Red and your entire family.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Dawn
Dawn, you are more and more one of my heroes every day. I am more grateful than I know how to express that you've been here, done this . . . that you truly understand. And I thank you for your honesty and your prayers.
DeleteIt sounded like such a wonderful week - until I got to the end. I'm so sorry that Rose Red is going through such a thought time, and that the rest of the family is as well. I really hope that you can find her the help that she needs so she can make the most of all her wonderful qualities. In the meantime I hope that counting your blessings helps you a little. Sending you all strength to get through this.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sandra. You are kind, and I appreciate your kindness.
DeleteI’m so sorry for the emotional and spiritual struggle you must be going through! I admire so much your constant and deliberate efforts to find the good that surrounds you, and to be grateful for it even as the storms rage. I have learned a lot from watching you take stock of each week that way. I hope you will be surrounded with the spirit, and God's comfort and guidance, as you go through this next week!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Marilyn. I am ever learning from you as well in your lovely, thoughtful posts about the gospel and your sweet observations of your lovely family.
DeleteI know that God sent her to your home and into your hearts. She will remember the good times sometime. When everything you know how to do runs out, He knows what to do. He plays the long game. He is merciful and knows her heart and her personal chemistry. He will give you strength. I will remember her in my prayers. You too. I love you.
ReplyDeleteI'm really holding on to the idea of "the long game" right now.
DeleteWhat sweet pics! I love the banana phones! So many good things this week. I am so, so sorry to hear about your sweet girl and her troubles. I know nothing about FASD but I do know about teenage rebellion and how absolutely devastating and heartbreaking it can be. Many, many nights I cried and cried out to God over my oldest when she walked out of the house and had no contact with us and headed down a destructive path. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. But thank God I have my girl back in my life again and she is making much better choices and we have our sweet grandson to love as well. I will be praying for you all!
ReplyDeleteYou have been more of an inspiration to me than I know how to adequately express. It is your gentle faith that has held me up on many hard days and nights.
DeleteI LOVE your lists of strengths and blessings and am strengthened by your positive, strong attitude. I am also so grateful for all the above good advice from friends and peers. Love and prayers.
ReplyDeleteThank you. We truly need your prayers. It is so hard.
DeleteHang in there, mama. Teens can be delightful, but they are also challenging. Add in adoption issues and neuro issues, and well, you'll be stretched, that's for sure. Have you watched The Fosters? I wouldn't base my parenting expectations on a TV show, lol, but I do admire the calm responses one of the moms is able to give to the most hair raising situations. If nothing else, you might find it oddly comforting.
ReplyDeleteI've never heard of The Fosters. I guess I'll have to look it up. :) Thanks for your encouragement.
Delete