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My mom called me yesterday to see how things are going. We were just home from our weekly breakfast-at-the-park outing, and I was simultaneously changing into dry clothing (we'd gone to a spray park), changing babies, talking to her, and hanging up damp towels.
It was a rather busy moment.
As I answered my mom's questions I found myself describing the school year activities that are starting as of today (really? on August 4th??!!??), and I concluded my list with, "Already the school year is beginning and our days are no longer our own."
That unconsciously uttered phrase caught my conscious attention.
Our days are no longer our own.
I feel rather sad, tired, dispirited when I think of starting school.
I am careful, careful, careful about crafting a schedule that is a blessing rather than a curse to us. I take seriously the guarding of free time and family time. I have pushed against the cultural tide of filling the calendar with too many activities for years now.
But my older children are getting older--jobs, outside classes, social activities are an important part of their growth. These scheduled items definitely get in the way of my comfort, but a 16-year-old's world is necessarily different from a 6-year-old's.
Is it growing pains?
Is it just that I'm not ready for summer to end?
Is it the answer to a prayer I've been offering about whether or not to join a once a week homeschool "forest school" for Nature Angel and Little Princess? (Oh! How they want to do it! And it sounds so very, very simple and joyful in theory.)
Perhaps it is all of the above.
I am thinking, pondering, continuing to pray.
Should our days be our own?
What is wisdom for my particular family?
What will bring us joy and satisfaction and growth?
I don't know yet.
But I trust in that God who loves us all that He will teach me and lead me in His wisdom.
(Even if it means putting off the start of our school year for a while.)