A Week, Briefly (7/26/21)

 There were moments of joy.

There are a few pictures to prove it.

This was during primary singing time.  Beowulf in the Elvis glasses and sideburns was too perfect to skip the picture.  They were supposed to be dads during the song "A Happy Family."

Nature Angel created this shade canopy for the littles one morning.

These two joined their friends for church boys' activities for a pioneer celebration. 

At the same time, Beowulf joined his pack of buddies for their church activity at the local nature preserve.  They're doing several preparatory activities for a fishing night.

Ladybug made friends with a butterfly, and Mister Man used the macro lens on my phone camera to capture the moment.

Sugar Bear loves me, even in her sleep.

A poor picture of a literature assignment--we cleaned out the last school bins for the 2020-21 school year, and this one, even though her beautiful hand painted watercolors of each character are nothing but blurry blobs in this picture, is now in the recycle bin.

Done with grade 2 math!

Non-photographed good moments include getting Belle registered for her first class at the community college.  She'll be taking Communications 100 which should be an easy, easy introduction to college.  This is the first step to her getting ready to actually go away to the school of her choice and successfully complete a degree program.

She also took Nature Angel and Little Princess to Worlds of Fun for an afternoon for the three of them to get away from the stress of life at home.  Little Princess, who was afraid of the roller coasters last year, found out this year that they are really fun!! 

Ladybug got to have an overnight visit with Grandma and Grandpa.  She had crochet lessons, got to go shopping, and had a marvelous time.

Baymax completed the first grade 1 book by Rod and Staff.  He gave up on reading sessions and working on TGTB math for the summer, and really enjoyed the independent, repetitious lessons that he'd gotten tired of earlier in the year.  He'll be on a full break until we start school again.

And somehow Mister Man never got a photograph when he finished all of Rod and Staff grade 3 math.  He's on a full break, now, too.

I organized almost all of the school books we're using for school 2021-22 (not including the hundreds of library books we'll use).

Before

After--the kids are pretty excited, and I am reminding them that they cannot use their new books until the bathroom is finished.  The building anticipation is fun.

 

The two teacher shelves I have organized and ready to go so far.

Because I need to document it, I am including a summary of the difficult moments.

Following his psychiatrist's suggestion, we changed the time of day Beowulf takes his meds.  This was how he spent the afternoon of the first day.  Yes, it was a quiet afternoon for us, but my goal is NOT sedating my kids into unconsciousness!  He's not sleeping through the days now, but we're also not seeing an improvement in his behaviors.

And this is Ladybug over math.  Understanding word problems and remembering when to carry and when to borrow are just so, so, so, so hard for her.  So is understanding how to write money with a decimal point. 

Brother has been aggressive, violent, and has run away several times.  The police are patient and kind to us.  The mental health team at the hospital encouraged me to find alternate solutions to in-patient acute care psych, and I did--for one night.  My parents kept him in order to give us a break from him and to give him a break from us.  I knew he'd' love it, and he did.

And I learned something.

Beowulf is afraid of Brother.

It makes sense.  They share a room, and Beowulf has been a frequent target of Brother's rages.

The morning that Brother was gone, Beowulf got up, got dressed, did his chores, played quietly, didn't argue, ate well, and had a totally functional morning.

This is directly opposite of every other morning we've had for years.

When Brother came home, we were happy to see him, but it took only 1 hour for the atmosphere in the house to rise to the usual tension level.  Beowulf began banging his head into the couch, flipping upside down, arguing, throwing things, hitting, screaming, running around the house on hands and feet (like Mowgli in the jungle book), and being incapable of following directions--which is how he usually behaves.

To make a long story short(er), a series of events led me to ask him, "Are you afraid of [Brother]?"

He looked away from me, flipped upside down, rocked back and forth and said, "Yes."

Brother was so violently aggressive this week that both Nature Angel and Little Princess were afraid for their own lives.  They protected our daycare babies (and the parents have been notified about what happened), and they handled the situation so bravely.  (I'd run to the post office for just a few minutes, leaving a perfectly serene bunch of kids.  Brother exploded out of nowhere.)

But they're scared and hurting, too.

--I'm sick with a mild upper-respiratory thing that has me functioning a little lower than usual.

--A friend just died of covid.

--An acquaintance is fighting for his life against the delta variant.

--Another friend is dealing with severe depression as she tries to cope with her husband's fight with brain cancer.

 

Sir Walter Scott and I have some serious discussions and decisions to make, but we're so stinking tired that we never have them.

 

In the mean time, I'm changing sleeping arrangements and trying to prepare a "safe room" in our home.

 

I've also talked to the kids about family therapy and individual therapy to help process the traumatic events that are happening.

 

I know . . . I absolutely know that in print, the decision that makes the most sense is to get Brother into residential care . . .

 

But there's something in my heart and gut saying it's actually not the right plan.  Even though it is the best plan for many kids and families, and I am grateful that it is a possible resource, it's not right . . . yet.

 

I don't know how much longer we can hang on . . . and that's something Sir Walter Scott, the kids, and I need to figure out.