A Week, Briefly (A Mental Health Anniversary)

Monday
It was another dreadful Monday . . . worse than last Monday . . . I think.

I love the outline of the day.

I don't love the crazy-insane tantrums and behaviors that erupt for no reason that I can identify.

If I could identify the reasons, I could make changes.

But I'm wracking my brain here, and I'm praying like a drowning man, but I've got nothing as yet.

So, until inspiration arrives . . .

The teen meetings are great!

Pixie is reassured that she's racking up the hours even when she spends time doing family activities instead of focusing only on her books.

Rose Red is being held accountable for her work--she's not rising to the challenge yet, but I'm hoping she will.

Super Star asked me some math questions that she'd just been sitting on otherwise, and our meeting time allowed me to tutor her one-on-one in a way that she wouldn't have asked for on her own.

Belle just smiles and tells me how much she loves science and literature.  She finished The Cay and is starting Emma this week.

For Mister Man, Brother, Little Princess, and Nature Angel, Academy time was great!  Monday is our sit-spot day, and my sweet girls spent 20 minutes observing and writing about their observations.  Nature Angel is such a poet, and Little Princess is so enthusiastic.

The little boys and I practiced using our eyes to look and study for 20 seconds (up from 10 seconds last week).  Then we chose to talk about what we saw in the walnuts hanging from the trees.  From there, we looked at a spiky weed growing out of the lawn and we compared/contrasted it to the walnuts.  The boys were so happy to be able to draw a round walnut and a spiky weed on their papers.  They beamed with success at their sketches.  I transcribed a few descriptive adjectives each boy offered for their drawings.

We read a couple of poems from Now We Are Six and A Child's Garden of Verses.  Then we started chapter 3 of How's Inky? and called it a morning.

In the afternoon, the teens and I watched the first hour of a MacBeth adaptation while the littles had quiet time (well away from the movie screen!).

I don't know when this moment happened.  I found the picture on the camera.  Something about it makes me laugh . . . perhaps Ladybug's face on the table combined with Mister Man's tired eyes and the matching thumbs in mouths  . . .

Little Princess completed 4 more birthday thank you cards; Nature Angel did a math lesson; the teens worked on their independent school work; I folded laundry, did several rounds of dishes, and cooked.

Nature Angel built this temple model--complete with door that really opens.

The littles played outside as the warm autumn afternoon turned into the cool of evening.  I was loath to call them in because it was so beautiful, but they did eventually get hungry. :)

Apparently cardinals are molting right now because we're watching them actually fall out of the cardinals' bodies.  Nature Angel got this one, and we found several more over the course of the week.

We read (The Count of Monte Cristo is finally changing in tone from a Lemony Snicket kind of endless misery to some interestingly hopeful developments) and called it a day.

Tuesday
My day with just the 10 and unders while Rose Red and Pixie worked all day and Belle and Super Star hit their books.

We headed out to Cave Spring Park and had ourselves a fine time playing, calculating, walking, exploring, storytelling, snacking, and reading a bit of historical fiction.

Honey Locust seed pods.   They're not usually fuzzy, but these were!  We're wondering if these are a specific variety or if we usually only find them after the fuzzies are worn off.

This fungus had rainbows stripes when we got close enough!

We stopped at the grocery store for lunch items.  We were quite the parade--each child carrying one item importantly through the store--eliciting more than one indulgent smile from the other shoppers and the cashier.

Then we came home so that Ladybug and Brother could go to the dentist.  (Brother had 2 cavities filled--apparently he was rather loopy on the nitrous oxide the dentist used!  Ladybug has 4 cavities and is missing 2 permanent teeth, so she's going to need reconstructive and orthodontic work immediately.  Urgh!)

I gave piano lessons to Mister Man, Little Princess, and Nature Angel.

Belle came with me to the library.

Activity night at the church left me home with only the 6 youngest.  I purposely didn't let either toddler nap, so they'd go to bed early and easily. :)

Wednesday
Back to Cave Spring we went, this time with Pixie who spent time observing and sketching and studying spiders with me.  We used a field guide to get a possible ID on one spider and a positive ID  on another.

Baymax learned how to climb the wall, and then nothing could stop him!  He was so proud of himself.  And Nature Angel is such a patient teacher. :)

A local rock club had painted rocks and left them in fun hiding places all around the park!  We had fun finding them!

Beowulf built the entire alphabet along this balance beam.  It took a lot of help, but it was a great challenge for him! 

Pixie had a visitor while she sketched.

Mister Man added to his cicada shell collection.  He said they prickled his hands too much to hold them, so we hooked them to his shirt for the rest of the outing.

And another cicada shell!

No storytelling practice, but Beowulf worked on the alphabet, and Ladybug worked on the second story in her Primer.

I noticed that on Tuesday the kids explored the trails, "Where does this one go?" they would wonder aloud.  On Wednesday, though, they ran confidently along them, "This one!  Let's take this one to the big tree!"

Such funny creatures of habit.  We had our snack and history read aloud under the big tree on Tuesday, so nothing would do but to do the same on Wednesday . . . even though I tried to point out a different nook to settle in for eating and reading.

And they're begging to go back to Cave Spring next week.  There's definitely something to be said for repeated exposure to the same natural location.  My crew, at least, are thriving on it.

The teens watched the second hour of MacBeth, and then I spent the rest of the afternoon giving math help and piano lessons.

At the end of the day Beowulf pointed out that he hadn't had any time outs.  I paused to question that statement, but he was right.  Though I had to discipline him and call him back into line many, many times, he had cooperated enough that he had never needed to sit in time out to calm down.

That's a big deal for Beowulf.

I'm proud of him.

Edmond Dantes has mysteriously reappeared in Marseilles in disguise--finally The Count of Monte Cristo gets interesting!!!

I tucked a feverish Mister Man into bed . . .

Thursday
 . . . And woke more than once in the wee hours with a vomiting Baymax.

Then Mister Man threw up.

And then they were both fine--tired, and Mister Man's fever never quite abated all day, but he was able to rest and felt less weepy and clingy as the day progressed.

The morning was an emotional disaster for Ladybug, Brother, and Beowulf.  They were incredibly destructive.  Ladybug screamed at me, "I hate you!  I don't want to live here!  I want to live somewhere else!"

Counter-intuitive to what an adoptive mother ought to say to her angry, hurting child, I looked her in the eye and said, "Fine. You tell me where you want to go, and I'll drive you there."

She gulped and immediately stopped yelling.

"I mean it.  You tell me where to go, and I'll take you.  If you can't think of somewhere right away, you can have time to think.  I'll be back to check on you."

I went into the house utterly panicked at what I'd done.

Had I just broken our relationship forever?

I kept a prayer in my heart that we'd mend together.

She was quiet, and when I did return to her and asked what she'd decided she said, "I don't want to go away.  I want to stay here."

"Good.  That's fine.  Come on in and get ready for dance."

While the little classes and I waited for the older classes to end, she sat close to me, and we held hands for a long time.

That night as I tucked her into bed, I kissed her and said, "I'm glad you chose to stay here."

She just smiled.

Dance was awesome.  Rose Red and Super Star babysat the sick ones at home, and the rest of us danced our hearts out.

I had a chance to visit with a dear friend, and we talked candidly about our various struggles with being mothers to challenging children.  I mentioned how hard my little crew has been and said, "I can't find the trigger.  I'd remove it if I could, but I simply can't find it."

My wise friend said, "There must be some sort of anniversary they're reacting to.  Metaphysician that I am, I am sure this a muscle-memory reaction to something."

"But what!!?!" I exclaimed.  This isn't an anniversary month for anything that I'm aware of.  It's outside of my consciousness . . . oh!"

And I remembered.

My mental health crisis was one year ago this month.

I've never talked to the kids about it--it's a fight too big to share with them--but I'm willing to bet that these kids--so utterly in tune to emotional cues--are reacting to whatever struggles they were aware of in their own way.

And I've been struggling this month--struggling to take my meds, struggling to understand, struggling with never-ending lassitude.

I felt a light go on inside!

I told my friend, and she held my hand as she said, "I am so grateful for this anniversary for you, and you need to celebrate!"

We won't have a party of any kind. :)  But I'm celebrating in prayer and in keeping my eyes open for how I can reach out to help others who struggle with mental illness.

Thursday was rather a hugely educational in a non-traditional way sort of day.

Friday
All we did all morning and afternoon was prepare for the homeschool camp out.

Honestly, I got tired of cooking and errand-running and organizing, and I kind of started to melt down.  The preparation all felt foolish and too hard.

But then we got to the site.

Sir Walter Scott agreed to take the littles one by one out on the kayaks a couple of friends were sharing, and I got to sit on the beach watching the waiters. 

I had no camera with me, but a stiff breeze was blowing, the wild flowers were alive with bees and butterflies and other nectar-feeding insects.  The water danced with the light, and the little boys screamed in delight as they chunked rocks into the water.

Oh, yes.

That was why we did all of the crazy hard work . . . to get to the point of gorgeous soul feeding that happens to us when we get near a body of water and settle into just being.

I did not stay the night out-of-doors with the half dozen youngest (Sir Walter Scott did stay with the half dozen oldest), but we stayed until well past dark--making s'mores, playing tag, twirling glow sticks, and breathing in the freshness of the evening. 

Then we went back the next day.

We were tired, but not as tired as we would have been had we slept out. :)

Some water play was fun in the early afternoon.

The teens swam all morning, and then they hung out under the pavilion for a couple of hours, playing their ukeleles (there were 3 of them!), talking, and having chin-up contests.

When the thunderstorm hit, we all gathered under the pavilion to wait it out and watch the awesome lightning.  Neither of these little girls belongs to this daddy.  He's a kid magnet, and he entertained them so sweetly.

Mister Man found a cozy spot to wait out the rain.

Camping buddies!!

Over the week, there was a lot less formal learning than there might have been, but we had some truly lovely experiences that we can't replicate any other way.



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